Five minutes. FIVE MINUTES.
That is how long it took me to reach orgasm the first time with the Hitachi Magic Wand. Yes, I know it’s made by Vibratex now. Yes, I know Hitachi disowned it when owning a “Hitachi” became synonymous with instant orgasms. But you guys! This thing is a LEGEND! Everyone calls it the Hitachi Magic Wand, or in many circles just “the Hitachi” as in, “Oh I don’t do battery operated anything – I have the Hitachi!” And I have one now, thanks to the good folks at MaxiWand.
What was any self-respecting sex toy reviewer doing without a Hitachi Magic Wand in the toy drawer? Really, what is anyone doing with their life without one?
I’ll tell you: not getting off in five minutes!
I know I’m super late to the party. I kept making the same excuses I’ve heard before:
The Hitachi Magic Wand is not as loud as it’s been hyped to be. If I angle my Form 2 just right, it’s just as loud. I’ve seen really hilarious YouTube and Instagram videos of louder toys. You’d be surprised what a closed door and a comforter will muffle, and given that it’s only going to be on for five minutes at a time, you’re not going to attract as much attention as you think.
What if my kids find it?
Tell them it’s a back massager. That’s what Hitachi wanted everyone to believe it was and that’s why they’ve disowned it. Still worried? It’s 14″ long and there plenty of lockable storage options to accommodate out there.
What if it’s too strong for me?
There are two power settings: “rumble-buzz” and “come this instant” on a simple switch on the side. I like rumble-buzz with my pants on. If that’s too much for you, a personal friend of mine uses hers on her upper thigh and the vibrations carry to her internal clitoris that way. You can also use a blanket or towel over the vulva.
But the head isn’t silicone!
Attachments and/or wanking with your PJ pants and/or underwear is the solution here, which also make clean-up a non-issue. It is pthalate-free food grade vinyl, FYI.
What if the cord isn’t long enough/I heard it’s gone cordless?
The cord is 6′ long. There’s no need to spend almost twice as much on the rechargeable version unless your fave jerk off spot is more than 6′ away from an outlet and you’re good at remembering to charge things.
What if it makes it more difficult for me to orgasm with a partner, I get addicted to it, or it makes me numb?
It’s great for partnered sex of any type, and there are attachments for all genitals, so have fun. As for the stimulation factor, it’s as easy as taking a day or two off from the thing to re-train your brain. There have been multiple studies on this, and the evidence overwhelmingly busts this myth.
What if, for some strange reason, I wanted to take it in the shower?
You could die. But seriously, I’ve found waterproofing is more of a marketing gimmick and a reason to hike the price. It’s a novelty. I love to get off in the shower. That’s why I invested in a good hand-held shower head. I got it at Costco and it wasn’t expensive. The Hitachi Magic Wand is for when I don’t want to get naked.
I haven’t said this, but as a sex toy party sales rep, I hear this one a lot. It’s sexism, y’all.
We “already have” the right to vote. We “already have” Lifetime television. We “already have” more freedom than women in Saudi Arabia or Yemen.
Really? How many pairs of shoes do you own? How much jewelry do you own? How many purses do you own? How much makeup do you own? Why? It’s for the gaze of others and some sort of status or self esteem these industries sell you, and yet you don’t value your vulva enough to experience different sensations with it? Your “lady bits” deserve a Magic Wand more than your feet deserve Jimmy Choo (google that for some sticker shock)!
The Hitachi Magic Wand is the gateway drug of sex toys, though. At some point you’re going to want to vary sensations and take your time. You’re going to want to insert dildos if you’re not best friends with your G-Spot yet. You’re also going to want to know what sex bloggers talk about when they compare power to the Hitachi Magic Wand.
It’s not for the candles & music jack off session, y’all. It’s the answer to hit it & quit it situations. Bad date but still want to get off? Hitachi. Mommy has 5 minutes before it’s time to pick up the kids? Hitachi. Can’t fall asleep? Hitachi. Carpel tunnel back massage? Hitachi.
It’s like this toy was made for my lazy masturbation style. I don’t even have to take my pants off! The Magic Wand shakes my entire vulva and internal clitoris and draws the orgasm out of me in some sort of orgasm exorcism.
Stop making excuses and get one!