Confession: Putting the Blog on Hold

Hey y’all. It’s been a while. As I said a while back on Twitter, I’m taking a break from blogging, but for those of you who missed it or have been wondering where I’ve been, I felt I owe an explanation. I probably also just need a place to write. I don’t have many friends in the same stage of life I can talk to. My blog is a place for my private thoughts and secrets and confessions, so here’s some of what’s going on, and it has nothing to do with sex.

My mom is very sick. My sister and her husband and son live with Mom, mainly because they’re millenials and don’t have the earning power to afford their own place. But they also take care of Mom.

Mom’s been admitted to the hospital. She wants to go home, but my sister and I, and even Mom, are not sure home is safe for her anymore.

Because my mom’s parents died suddenly, she had no experience taking care of an aging parent, and so never prepared us for the possibility. She never considered that she wouldn’t leave us instantly. She’s only ever talked to us about what to do when she dies: how to cash in the life insurance, how much money to withdraw without penalties from her retirement accounts, what to do with the house, etc. I don’t think she ever considered living sick. She’s not afraid to die, but she is afraid of us changing her diapers. 

In fact, Mom’s still employed. She doesn’t want to give up that income and try to live on a fixed income, which would be a lot less than her paycheck. I can completely understand that, but she’s not in any condition to work and is now on medical leave. So much of the financial stuff is up in the air. At least my sister has power of attorney over that and can make decisions when Mom is confused, so I don’t have to.

I’ve started looking at assisted living communities: what my mom would call “facilities” on a cranky day or “the old folks home” on a good day.

So far she’s been relatively open to the idea, when she’s lucid, but she lives 600 miles away from me, and in my city, they’re far more affordable. Still, they’re more than my monthly mortgage, and she’d have to pay for it herself, dipping into what she intended for us as our inheritance. Neither my sister or I need, want, or expect an inheritance. We want Mom safe and taken care of.

So now there are decisions to make. Do we move her out here? How does that affect my sister and her family, being the ones far away? Do I put off the job search I was planning to start this summer to take care of Mom? Do we move her somewhere local to her? Given that it’s hard for me to afford a lot of travel, how do I know when I need to go visit? Does Mom even fully realize the potential of moving? Is home nursing care a better option? How would that work if her house isn’t wheelchair accessible?

What we know is the current situation is untenable, and something’s got to give. How that plays  out is emotional and stressful. There’s so much to think about, and meanwhile I’m just trying to do my best to keep up with the day-to-day of being a stay-at-home mom that homeschools.

That brings me back to my blog. Something’s got to give, and between psych meds killing my libido and my mom’s health, I just can’t keep up with it. I don’t even check my blog e-mail anymore, because I’m so busy managing e-mails from assisted living communities and extended family on my private account. To the companies whom I owe reviews, I’m really sorry. If I can, when things settle down, I’ll return and those will be the first posts that go up. To everyone else, I’ll still be around on Twitter, if a little quiet.

But if I never come back, thank you, readers, for your loyalty, for valuing my opinions, for joining me on my mental health journey, and joining Carrie on her gender discovery journey. Your comments, retweets, and support have meant the world to us. I can’t think you enough. The last 3 years have been a good ride.

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