About Carrie


What do you get when you cross a bard, a penis owner, and a genderfluid feminist? Me, that’s what.

I’m not like you’d expect, but that’s how I roll. I helped Mary build her home party business from its inception. I have a business degree. Let me back up. How we ended up here has been a long and winding road.

Raised in a religious household and in an incredibly homophobic area of the country, I was never really free to even consider sexuality beyond the heteronormative procreation narrative. I did everything right, lived up to everyone’s expectations, I have a badass work ethic and more maturity in my little finger than the average government body. I became everything society said a man should be, except a womanizing horndog who loves sports. I thought I knew what to expect out of life, but keeping up that facade only led to everything I thought I was supposed to want crashing down around me.

And then I met Mary. Mary is bipolar, and can be unstable, loud, tactless, controlling, and unpredictable (when not on her meds). And I love her to death. She didn’t know how to handle my gender or attraction to people other than women. I didn’t know how to handle her one day quitting her job to sell sex toys (though I was her first positive introduction to them, and have always been enthusiastic about her business). But one thing I do know: I keep her grounded, and she keeps my life interesting. On this journey to where we are, in a happy marriage that’s survived all manner of drama, we have learned some powerful things.

We have learned that gender is not binary. We have learned that attraction is not binary. We have learned that orientation is not binary. We have learned that gender is not attraction is not orientation. We have learned that marriage is hard work, but it doesn’t have to be what the patriarchy-controlled society tells us it is. We have learned that we can raise kids with every intent of gender neutrality and they can still pick pink or blue, and that’s OK.

Physically, I am overweight but fit, my legs are muscular and my ass is fantastic. My penis is just below average in length and girth, but very hard (please keep this in mind when reading male masturbation reviews – penis owners with some bend or a larger size may have a different experience). I love prostate play. I am a switch when it comes to our kink scenes. I love nipple play and clamps. I adore dressing in lingerie and dresses, wearing jewelry and love feeling pretty. I have no physical disabilities, but do have depression that rears its ugly head from time to time. This is the perspective from which I review products and sexual adventures. I would also like to note that my sex drive is a bit lower.

Besides all this, I’m a D&D nerd, Dudeist Minister in good standing, and a devoted spouse and parent. I’m from the Midwest and hate living where it never snows. I’m a tenor and while I’m mostly a dog person, ask me to tell you the story of how Squirrel, my cat came into my life.