My job as a sex toy party rep is usually pretty awesome. The money is great, the hours are my own, and I’ve made a lot of great friends. The great majority of hostesses and guests are reasonable human beings. However, there are times when hostesses and guests really try our patience, and sometimes we have our own biases. If you were a fly on the wall, you might hear us say things like:
1. “So this bitch…”
We use this phrase when:
You’re a hostess who is too demanding. Requesting a particular game or product is no problem, but don’t tell us how to do our jobs. If you feel so strongly about how a party should be run, maybe you should consider signing up and doing the party yourself. Sometimes, your requests come off as attention-seeking behavior. It sounds like a 3 year old when Mommy’s on the phone, not a business partner. We’re professionals with great training and often years of experience in getting people to show up and getting you as much free stuff while having as much fun possible. Please trust us when we ask for a guest list, and read and follow all instructions we send you for best results.
You’re a disengaged hostess. Maybe you booked to help your friend, or maybe some big project at work has your attention, or maybe you’ve started to worry about being judged for the type of party you booked. Instead of letting us know so we can stand in the gap for you, you avoid our calls and won’t respond to our texts. You ignore Facebook messages (we see when you’ve read them). You don’t invite enough guests or don’t call them on the phone to remind them of the party (the SINGLE biggest thing you can do to ensure high attendance). You wanted to book your own party, but said a week’s notice wasn’t enough and booked 6 weeks out; then, you didn’t bother to invite anyone until a week before anyway. You defy us on guest lists and invitations because you’re lazy. Most of your guests tell us, “I wish she’d told me what this was – I would have brought my credit card!” Your attitude during the party discouraged your guests from booking because – surprise! – it didn’t look like you were having a good time. There go your booking credits, stick in the mud!
You don’t get the concept of social shopping. It’s not a free sex ed lecture or stand-up routine. There are professionals who do JUST those things and they charge fees upfront. This is like the old rule that if you’re not going to tip, don’t go out to eat at a sit down restaurant.
You do or say something particularly off the wall and things get awkward. I’ve had a hostess try to book me for a dinner party and not tell her guests it was a sex toy party. She invited a local juice (?) company to talk before me (one of them was a man) and had hired a Brazilian chef to cater the event. I will not even get INTO the ones who want kids in the house! Then there’s the guest that needs to talk about child molesters and how sick her cat is. Please stop inviting her.
You cancel last minute with a fake excuse. You need to take your mom to the airport? You suddenly have to work? Your sister didn’t find a sitter? Really? You couldn’t say something at any point in that 3-6 week window when you changed your mind? Because your party was supposed to pay for Christmas, lady. I could have done a party for someone else, or if I didn’t need the work (yes, work), I could have taken my kids to the movies or something. My kids hate you.
We say this when:
You defy our rules on drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. Lines of coke at a sales presentation? Really? Look, I like my green, but I can’t have my kit smelling like smoke of any sort. Drunk guests get indecisive rather than buying more, they break things, and if you let them drive home and they wreck, YOU are responsible in most states. Don’t threaten me when I walk out, either (yes, if it’s bad enough, I will). You’re worse to my kids than a last-minute cancellation. I wasted gas on you.
Bachelorette parties. YOU certainly don’t get off the hook! You are a crapshoot. It’s either great or horrible with you. In fact, you get your own post!
We’re racist. Racism is rampant in this industry. As one rep complained about her sales after moving from Iowa to Texas, a long-time leader repeated the adage, “White girls are your bread & butter. Black girls buy bullets. Mexicans don’t buy shit.” Yes, it sucks.
3. “Broke bitches”
We say this this when:
You want to take product home without paying for it. And it’s the most expensive item in the book, usually.
You purchase $20 worth of stuff and try to pay with $100 bills. Then you get offended when we break out the bill marker. Actually, the fact that we have to buy a marker to make sure money is real is just ridiculous.
You expect to pay with EBT. Really?
You nervously ask if it’s ok that the name on the credit card and ID don’t match. Oh boy…
You steal presentation toys. Seriously??
You demand free stuff you didn’t earn. If you’ve hosted a party and no one bought anything, I can do a token discount, but that’s it. Don’t demand a freebie when I clearly stated your party needs to qualify as a party to earn any hostess benefits. If you were disengaged or demanding and rude, I’m not even giving you a thank you gift. Bye, Felicia!
Home party reps – did I miss anything? What else do we say behind their backs?
What about hostesses and/or guests? Have you ever had a terrible sex toy party rep?
On the flip side, what makes a great hostess, guest, or consultant?
Share your stories in the comments and I might share them on a future post!